The Battle of the Heavyweights
Rockwell versus Page
By Dan the Man
Announcer:
Ladies and gentlemen, we at Fiction Fights Inc. bring to you yet another unforgettable championship bout that helped to define the 20th century in Bristol. Remember: while our account may be fictional, the biographical details are nonfiction. Welcome to the bout of the millennium - - the heavyweight match that determined who was the "main man" in Bristol. As is our custom we have selected to show only the three most significant rounds of the scheduled ten round fight. A-n-d n-o-w l-e-t’s g-e-t r-e-a-d-y t-o r-u-m-b-l-e!! (wild applause) In this corner wearing the blue trunks--Albert "Rocky" Rockwell (more cheering) and in this corner wearing the red trunks—De Witt "The Pulverizer" Page (applause). Now let’s hand it over to tonight’s ring official, Mills Avenue.Mills Avenue: All right, gentlemen, I want a good clean fight and that means no mudslinging and hitting below the belt. Is that clear?…Good. Okay now let’s get it on and come out swinging.
Edward Dosell (distant cousin of Howard Cosell, very distant): Good evening ladies and gentlemen; I’m Edward Dosell, your ringside commentator, bringing you the main event from center court at the Mall at Bristol Centre. This should be a tumultuous fight considering the animosity these two heavyweights (who just happen to be brothers-in-law) feel towards each other. There certainly has been an abundance of pugilistic venting (trash talking) leading up to "The Fight" and in just 60 seconds we’ll find out which fighter can articulate his message in the ring, but first these words from our sponsor.
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Round 1
Be brief – avoid the wedge – you deserve a hug today so why don’t you slip into some JOKE-E underwear? You owe it to yourself.
Round 6
Edward Dosell: Okay, fiction fight fanatics,
Rockwell has emerged from
his corner, re-energized, with fire in his eyes. He quickly jabs with the fact
that he donated 80 acres of land, in1911, on the
west side of town to be used as
a park as long as the city would keep it up with $15,000 for park maintenance
for 8 years. Today Rockwell Park has a playground, a basketball court, a soccer
field, a picnic area, and a lagoon. But Page has bounced off the ropes, landing
a left hook with the fact that in 1933 he donated 75 acres to the city on
Federal Hill’s northeastern slope for a park along with a $150,000 trust fund
to sustain it. Now Page Park has a playground, baseball/softball fields, lighted
tennis courts, a picnic area, a fishing lagoon, and a swimming pool. Stunned,
Rockwell deflects a Page right-left combination and uppercuts him with a
revelation! He reminds Page that in 1920 he gave 15 more acres for his park!
(ding, ding, ding)
Mills Avenue: Round’s over fellahs, break it up, back to your corners!!
Crowd: Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!
Edward Dosell: And now a message from our sponsor.
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Round 10
Edward Dosell: Hold on, folks—Page has charged
from his corner with
fists blazing proclaiming that he supported school sports in Bristol by donating
$5,000 for new bleachers at Muzzy Field where many school sporting events are
held. But, Rockwell has countered with a pandemonium of perforating punches
(large verbiage? Remember, I’m a distant cousin of Howard Cosell, the King of
Big words) by saying that he too supported Bristol schools by giving the city 12
acres in Dunbar Meadows for a roadway and park as long as a bridge over the
Pequabuck River and a school were built. Today this is the beautiful Memorial
Boulevard where a "Monument Walk," honoring Bristol soldiers who died
in all the wars the United States has fought in, and Memorial Boulevard Middle
School are located. Perhaps sensing that he may need a knockout, Page lands a
pulverizing punch on Rockwell’s ego with an uppercut by stating that he
donated the solarium at Bristol Hospital. But there’s no quit in either
fighter. Rockwell just rocked his sister’s husband onto his heels with a
right-hook to the midsection, saying that when construction costs were too high
for the school being built at the Boulevard, he took over as construction
supervisor at no cost. Not to be outdone, Page has answered Rockwell’s civic
challenge by almost knocking him out of the ring with the fact that he saved
Bristol during the Depression by giving it a $500,000 loan and making it
institute a finance board to manage the town’s money; that board still exists
today. Fortunately Rocky is going to be saved by the bell, left speechless since
he died five years before the Depression hit. (ding, ding, ding)
Mills Avenue: That’s it, men the fight’s over!!!
Edward Dosell: Well, folks, there you have it—the Battle of the Millennium—and that it was! Now it’s up to you, our judges, to determine the winner. Click on your boxer’s score box down below to find out if the fight judges agree with you.
Announcer: And now, ladies and gentlemen, the decision of our three judges:
Pick the person who you think won the bout by clicking on your boxer's button.
Sources:
Builders of Bristol (pamphlet)
Clouette, Bruce and Roth, Matthew. Bristol, Connecticut-A Bicentennial History: 1785-1985.
"Finance Board Origin." Bristol Today. 2/10/2000.
Greenleaf, David. (B.C.H.S. Math Teacher). Interview: 4/3/00.